AS THE MISTS OF TIME slowly swirled and gently caressed the water-fairing souls upon the Dead Sea of Jordan, legends arose about huge whale like creatures covered in mud that would appear to swarm on the banks of this forsaken place at random intervals throughout the ages. Pharaohs would tell ghastly tales of these subhuman creatures that wallowed in the filth of this wretched sea to their young children, to ward them from harm, should they stray too close to this haunted place.
Alexander the Great famously noted these grotesque apparitions in his journals;
‘Strange beasts arise hence-forth from these shallow waters and appear to parade around caked in the wretched mud from this lifeless ocean. I believe they to be some type of female demons of sorts, and as they wash the black slime from their gruesome bodies, they appear to be even more hideous than before….’
Also Moses was once said to have ventured so close to these satanic entities that he subsequently went insane and fled to Mount Nebo to hide from the evil wenches, only to experience visions of grandeur and madness, finally returning totally insane, babbling about pillars of fire and a stone tablet that decreed God’s rules for mankind
(and incidentally, when Moses parted the Red Sea he was once again discredited as everyone believed the photos he uploaded to Facebook were photo-shopped)
Jesus himself was so startled by the ungodly appearance of these creatures that he totally shat himself and took off so fast he appeared to skim along the surface of the water.
Even the Zleebs were horrified- as they passed over the area in their spacecraft surveying for the ‘Earth-Rock Mining Company’, a missile was fired at the menacing she-devils, in an attempt to decontaminate the area, but because of the extremely high salt content of the water, the weapon bounced out of the sea and was deflected onto the nearby city of Soddom which was consequently obliterated.
To this day one can still witness the appearance of these hellish figures stumbling upon the shores of the Dead Sea. Brave men still fear to tread where these witches roam, and when they appear, you also can hear their screams of debauchery and wickedness echo through the valley that surrounds this body of cursed water.
There is no doubt that these Dead Sea Trolls are The Middle East’s greatest mystery…
- Kilometres travelled– 13 500 km
- Flat tyres– 9 and 1/2
- Incarcerations– 0
- Amount of salt in the Dead Sea- enough to cover a billion square kilometres of fish and chips.
Where men fear to tread……