Asia-Squat Toilets and Turdy Hands

Posted by on Jun 25, 2015

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Chances are if you have been to an Asian country you would have had to take a shit in one of those squat toilets.

Now they are a called a “squat” toilet for a very good reason.

You go in, turn around and squat. And then you take a shit.

Quite simple really.

Now in some of these squatties you will find a hose. “A hose??” you ask.

Yes, a hose! To squirt all over your turdy bum-bum, so as to get a nice new clean bum-bum.

So, Im in Laos and I go into said squat toilet and do my business and lo and behold-

NO F*CKING BUM-BUM WASHY WASHY HOSE!!!

And no toilet paper either, of course.

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*translation* You missed!

So there I am. With a big ol turdy bum and nothing else. Not one thing to wipe the Dagsta’s ass.

So after 10 minutes of deliberation with my pants down to my ankles i took the plunge.

I wiped my ass with my hand.

Now as you can imagine, wiping your ass with your hand doesn’t really do the job. It basically wipes a big ol’ turdy line of what you had for breakfast all the way up your back.

(Hey stop judging me! I had to do something!)

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Thankfully I had a bottle of antiseptic gel under the seat on my motorbike, so I ran out with my soiled arm in the air and emptied the whole contents onto my newly shit-stained extremities – much to the amusement of my companions. *sigh*

I swear I have never quite been the same after that.

It brings your travels to a whole new level. Almost to a God-like Bear Grylls kind of existence.

All i need to do now is to drink my own piss and then squeeze water out of animal excretions and I’m there!!

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So the moral of this story is, don’t wipe your ass with your hand. Just don’t. (No matter how secretly awesome you may become.)

Dags

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